Who can I blame? My house is always an upside-down, inside-out hot mess. Considering I am a "homemaker", a "stay at home mom", a "housewife" (snicker...does anyone say that anymore?)...you would think there would be some degree of organization around here.
Nope. Not a lot.
I try to focus on the positive, like, " thank the Lord we don't have pets in the house, too."
or this good point, "I guess it could be worse."
It gives me some kind of strange comfort when I read books and articles about organization. First of all, they are so logical. That stuff makes sense, so I am motivated to try, try again. Some of the books I have read even go so far as to say that people are either born organized or they are not...I think I was not, but surely I could learn. Right? So I get the bins, the tubs, the labels, etc.
My firstborn just recently left the nest. Although that was bittersweet, I have noticed two things that give me hope. 1. My oldest daughter has picked up the slack on the chore list. 2. The water bill is about half what it was when he lived here. (he showered and changed clothes multiple times a day)(This also translates into less laundry for me.) Yay.
I have spent the last 20 years actively engaged in one OR MORE of these 4 things: pregnant, nursing a baby, diapering, or potty training...no breaks. When Millie is out of diapers, then perhaps I will be able to get somewhere. (I keep telling myself.)
Until then, I think I will blame it on the kids.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Monday, October 20, 2014
And then there's this...
Long time, no blog...But what else am I going to do at 4:21 am when I can't sleep and dare not wake anyone up? I will make it short and force myself back to sleep after I get this off my chest.
I woke up not even an hour after baby's last feeding. A sharp pain in my left brain. Things are weighing heavy on me, little things and big things. Life things.
I'm a deep thinker, not a quick thinker...and this makes me too slow about getting around to doing things. So they pile up, waiting in my imaginary line for attention. Those are just the things that can be put off, not pressing matters like changing diapers, paying bills, feeding people, making sure we have clean clothes, gas in the vehicle, etc. I just run in a perpetual circle with those daily grind items.
No, it is the bigger picture that is starting to close in on me, almost like my measure of gravity is increasing. Subtle, but present, and palpable only to me. Needy children, more than one at a time. Aging parents, more than one. Health crises...my mom beats breast cancer in the Spring only to have colon cancer show up in the Fall. Two vehicles down at the same time, mechanical bills to the tune of thousands of dollars. Self-imposed homeschool pressure to be further along in the textbooks. And that constant nag of "look at this messy house"...no routine, lack of organization. It was this last one that put me over the edge as I walked tentatively into the living room, partly to be careful of what I might step on, and partly to not stimulate that terrible head pain again. I felt like an overfull water balloon as I looked at the arm of my light green sofa...you know, the one with blue marker scrawlings "345 25 J L H" This is Joely's kindergarten handiwork. And it's sharpie. The tears burst forth.
As I ponder my "list" of afflictions, I am reminded of the book of Job. His sufferings were far worse, and his character more noble. Even my mom is taking her impending surgery and unsure future in stride...like lets get this over with so I can get on with my life. She's 78!
George recently read Romans chapter 12 to me...this is all I can remember...Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Well, I guess that is my goal for the time being.
I woke up not even an hour after baby's last feeding. A sharp pain in my left brain. Things are weighing heavy on me, little things and big things. Life things.
I'm a deep thinker, not a quick thinker...and this makes me too slow about getting around to doing things. So they pile up, waiting in my imaginary line for attention. Those are just the things that can be put off, not pressing matters like changing diapers, paying bills, feeding people, making sure we have clean clothes, gas in the vehicle, etc. I just run in a perpetual circle with those daily grind items.
No, it is the bigger picture that is starting to close in on me, almost like my measure of gravity is increasing. Subtle, but present, and palpable only to me. Needy children, more than one at a time. Aging parents, more than one. Health crises...my mom beats breast cancer in the Spring only to have colon cancer show up in the Fall. Two vehicles down at the same time, mechanical bills to the tune of thousands of dollars. Self-imposed homeschool pressure to be further along in the textbooks. And that constant nag of "look at this messy house"...no routine, lack of organization. It was this last one that put me over the edge as I walked tentatively into the living room, partly to be careful of what I might step on, and partly to not stimulate that terrible head pain again. I felt like an overfull water balloon as I looked at the arm of my light green sofa...you know, the one with blue marker scrawlings "345 25 J L H" This is Joely's kindergarten handiwork. And it's sharpie. The tears burst forth.
As I ponder my "list" of afflictions, I am reminded of the book of Job. His sufferings were far worse, and his character more noble. Even my mom is taking her impending surgery and unsure future in stride...like lets get this over with so I can get on with my life. She's 78!
George recently read Romans chapter 12 to me...this is all I can remember...Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Well, I guess that is my goal for the time being.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dry Bones
"I want to see dry bones living again." This is a line from a song we sang at church recently. I think the song was called THE GREAT I AM. I may have heard this song before, but I'm not sure I have ever sung it...so it required me to really read the words. At first, I kept thinking...this is kind of a strange song...but as it was a long song...it finally spoke to me. Ugh, I realized, for one thing, I am living a dry bones existence...again.
In previous times, I have led a more spirit-filled life. I seem to waffle back and forth between struggling in my self-reliance ... or really seeking God's sovereignty and relying on His direction.
The other revelation I came away with was what God meant by calling himself the "I Am". Exodus 3:14 "God said to Moses I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites; I AM has sent me to you." He had to tell them that so they would trust that it was the Creator's plan that he lead them.
I think about this earth, the heavens, the stars, the universe...the blade of grass...It's like God is saying I AM that blade of grass, I AM the earth, I AM the sky, I AM the air you breathe, I AM the fragrance of Spring that you smell, I AM all that you see, hear, smell, taste and touch because I AM the one who created it. And He created me...with a free will to allow Him to shape my life through the pursuit of holiness...or I can try to do it in my own power...or I can reject it altogether.
I thank my parents for raising me in the faith, and that is why I did not reject Jesus, and why I am most thoroughly convinced there is a God. For it was in my darkest moments of pain and heartache that I cried out to the one true God, the only one I knew, and the only one who then answered me not only by communicating with me on a spiritual level, but manifesting in the physical realm with heat and a sensation I can only describe as pure energy. It was at that moment that I believe God filled me with the Holy Spirit which unlocked my mind to really comprehend and understand the gospel ...and it made perfect...PERFECT...sense to me. A moment of clarity with the life-changing effects of peace in my soul.
I had to come to some conclusions on my own before the environment of my heart, soul and mind could handle the absolute truth ...the key was acknowledging my choices, thoughts and actions as sinful... and truly repenting. Like I said, I was raised to know right from wrong, I was basically a good person, but I just did whatever I wanted anyway. I came away from my "God experience" filled with gratitude for his mercy, gratitude for providing the sacrifice (Jesus) that would be my payment on judgement day, and for the helper (the Holy Spirit) that would keep me on the path to righteousness. This path includes blessings, protection, provision, but most notably peace in all circumstances.
It was shortly after this conversion of mine...from Christianity to Christianity...that I was living for God and His purposes. It IS an abundant life, the joy that comes from simple things is amazing, but it is the peace that just makes life and all its afflictions bearable. John 15 reminds us to "remain in me as I remain in you"...unfortunately, this is where I falter...I allow life to overwhelm me, tire me out to the point where I don't even make time to connect to my lifeline. When that goes away, so goes the peace and joy, love, patience, etc. Then it's like I forget how to get back to that, or even worse, I begin to think I don't need or deserve it.
In my reading this morning, I stumbled upon this verse in 1 Thessalonians 4:7 "For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life." I was definitely called...so I'd better start living this holy life! Now, I know I can't live the holy life in my own power, I will just end up pursuing my own selfish desires...and that is quite a mundane existence if not wrought with struggle. I have been given the Holy Spirit...I will never forget that...so why not utilize my gift. It is apparent that I NEED it in order to not only discern what holiness is, but to achieve it on any level.
Perhaps you think I'm wacko by now, perhaps you know just what I mean, either way...the God of the universe can communicate with you on a personal level that is relevant to your life and purpose...if you have never experienced that, ask Him.
Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
In previous times, I have led a more spirit-filled life. I seem to waffle back and forth between struggling in my self-reliance ... or really seeking God's sovereignty and relying on His direction.
The other revelation I came away with was what God meant by calling himself the "I Am". Exodus 3:14 "God said to Moses I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites; I AM has sent me to you." He had to tell them that so they would trust that it was the Creator's plan that he lead them.
I think about this earth, the heavens, the stars, the universe...the blade of grass...It's like God is saying I AM that blade of grass, I AM the earth, I AM the sky, I AM the air you breathe, I AM the fragrance of Spring that you smell, I AM all that you see, hear, smell, taste and touch because I AM the one who created it. And He created me...with a free will to allow Him to shape my life through the pursuit of holiness...or I can try to do it in my own power...or I can reject it altogether.
I thank my parents for raising me in the faith, and that is why I did not reject Jesus, and why I am most thoroughly convinced there is a God. For it was in my darkest moments of pain and heartache that I cried out to the one true God, the only one I knew, and the only one who then answered me not only by communicating with me on a spiritual level, but manifesting in the physical realm with heat and a sensation I can only describe as pure energy. It was at that moment that I believe God filled me with the Holy Spirit which unlocked my mind to really comprehend and understand the gospel ...and it made perfect...PERFECT...sense to me. A moment of clarity with the life-changing effects of peace in my soul.
I had to come to some conclusions on my own before the environment of my heart, soul and mind could handle the absolute truth ...the key was acknowledging my choices, thoughts and actions as sinful... and truly repenting. Like I said, I was raised to know right from wrong, I was basically a good person, but I just did whatever I wanted anyway. I came away from my "God experience" filled with gratitude for his mercy, gratitude for providing the sacrifice (Jesus) that would be my payment on judgement day, and for the helper (the Holy Spirit) that would keep me on the path to righteousness. This path includes blessings, protection, provision, but most notably peace in all circumstances.
It was shortly after this conversion of mine...from Christianity to Christianity...that I was living for God and His purposes. It IS an abundant life, the joy that comes from simple things is amazing, but it is the peace that just makes life and all its afflictions bearable. John 15 reminds us to "remain in me as I remain in you"...unfortunately, this is where I falter...I allow life to overwhelm me, tire me out to the point where I don't even make time to connect to my lifeline. When that goes away, so goes the peace and joy, love, patience, etc. Then it's like I forget how to get back to that, or even worse, I begin to think I don't need or deserve it.
In my reading this morning, I stumbled upon this verse in 1 Thessalonians 4:7 "For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life." I was definitely called...so I'd better start living this holy life! Now, I know I can't live the holy life in my own power, I will just end up pursuing my own selfish desires...and that is quite a mundane existence if not wrought with struggle. I have been given the Holy Spirit...I will never forget that...so why not utilize my gift. It is apparent that I NEED it in order to not only discern what holiness is, but to achieve it on any level.
Perhaps you think I'm wacko by now, perhaps you know just what I mean, either way...the God of the universe can communicate with you on a personal level that is relevant to your life and purpose...if you have never experienced that, ask Him.
Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Friday, January 4, 2013
The Door
I had a really interesting dream last night...I'm not sure I can properly articulate it through words, but I will give it a whirl. Even as I think about it right now, it doesn't make for a good story. I can only say that it really made sense when I woke up.
In my dream, I was really concerned about the journey your soul takes when you die, and why it is important to believe in God, and more specifically, Jesus. I wasn't dead, I was just along for the ride. (well, you know how dreams are, I'm not sure if I was dead or not) Anyway, I was living life minding my own business, and then I knew I was on the track that takes you where you are supposed to go when you die. Ahead of me I saw a door, and off another direction was another door. The path to my door was like a glowing line. There was no path to the other door, it was just out there, like if you weren't following the line, you would just end up there. The other door was plain, with no windows, and I knew that it went into a dark room and that was it.
The door that was in front of me looked very plain, also, except it had windows. I have seen doors like it before...lots of houses have doors like this...it looked like woodgrain with three rectangular windows near the top set at an angle and one right on top of the other. I could see light behind that door because of the windows, and although I didn't get to open the door, I knew it wasn't a finite room. I knew that if I opened that door and crossed the threshold I would be whooshed up into the atmosphere... there would be other people I knew there and that didn't cause me any fear whatsoever. I woke up at this point.
See, short dream, not much story.
The take-away, I guess, is that believers pass from life through death into eternal life. This can actually be found in the gospel of John... John 5:24
“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
And non-believers pass from life to death...
So my contemplation begins...I know people who just absolutely do not believe in the Supernatural aspect of God or Jesus. Yes, I talk to them, they are funny, nice, intelligent, generally have a good sense of humor, posess good character traits, and perhaps some bad character traits (nose-pickers ha!). I am not ashamed of the Gospel, but I personally don't think jamming Jesus up in someone's face is the best form of evangelism. It tends to tick people off.
Still, I continue to ponder, why exactly, do I think everyone needs Jesus? Well, I only know why I need Him, and I only found that out through my own personal ups, downs, ins and outs...and I can't really explain it other than to say I had a supernatural encounter with the Almighty. I do my best to live out these tenets of my faith: Love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and Love my neighbor as myself. This is not as easy as it sounds, and sometimes I fall short, that is when I need Him the most. During my personal encounter with God...I asked why I was experiencing such pain and heartache, since by most standards I was a "good person." He answered me in a similar way as in my dream... like he just put the understanding in my head, without having to hear it spoken or see it written. The invitation to commune with God is for all..."Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8
In my dream, I was really concerned about the journey your soul takes when you die, and why it is important to believe in God, and more specifically, Jesus. I wasn't dead, I was just along for the ride. (well, you know how dreams are, I'm not sure if I was dead or not) Anyway, I was living life minding my own business, and then I knew I was on the track that takes you where you are supposed to go when you die. Ahead of me I saw a door, and off another direction was another door. The path to my door was like a glowing line. There was no path to the other door, it was just out there, like if you weren't following the line, you would just end up there. The other door was plain, with no windows, and I knew that it went into a dark room and that was it.
The door that was in front of me looked very plain, also, except it had windows. I have seen doors like it before...lots of houses have doors like this...it looked like woodgrain with three rectangular windows near the top set at an angle and one right on top of the other. I could see light behind that door because of the windows, and although I didn't get to open the door, I knew it wasn't a finite room. I knew that if I opened that door and crossed the threshold I would be whooshed up into the atmosphere... there would be other people I knew there and that didn't cause me any fear whatsoever. I woke up at this point.
See, short dream, not much story.
The take-away, I guess, is that believers pass from life through death into eternal life. This can actually be found in the gospel of John... John 5:24
“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
And non-believers pass from life to death...
So my contemplation begins...I know people who just absolutely do not believe in the Supernatural aspect of God or Jesus. Yes, I talk to them, they are funny, nice, intelligent, generally have a good sense of humor, posess good character traits, and perhaps some bad character traits (nose-pickers ha!). I am not ashamed of the Gospel, but I personally don't think jamming Jesus up in someone's face is the best form of evangelism. It tends to tick people off.
Still, I continue to ponder, why exactly, do I think everyone needs Jesus? Well, I only know why I need Him, and I only found that out through my own personal ups, downs, ins and outs...and I can't really explain it other than to say I had a supernatural encounter with the Almighty. I do my best to live out these tenets of my faith: Love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and Love my neighbor as myself. This is not as easy as it sounds, and sometimes I fall short, that is when I need Him the most. During my personal encounter with God...I asked why I was experiencing such pain and heartache, since by most standards I was a "good person." He answered me in a similar way as in my dream... like he just put the understanding in my head, without having to hear it spoken or see it written. The invitation to commune with God is for all..."Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Back to School...Homeschool, that is!
This is what I have learned from dunking my kids into public school last year.
There are some teachers and administrators who have a general disdain for homeschoolers, and some who really like them...with almost no middle ground there. I hope my children represented a good homeschool education by using their manners, being respectful to authority figures and showing kindness to their fellow students. Oh, and doing good schoolwork and getting good grades, blah blah blah.
Since my kiddos dropped into "the system" after being primarily homeschooled for the previous six years, I had my concerns about their academic success. After all, we did not grade every paper, take very many tests, or use a published curriculum for every single subject. After the first report card, however, my fears were quelled. 9th grader with A's, B's and one C...all you need to know here is that he thoroughly enjoys school...not necessarily school subjects...he just likes to go to school, he did not miss a single day, and I did not have to get him up for the bus one single time. Very responsible kid. He wanted to continue going to public high school (NTI) so we let him. One comment we got that rubbed me the wrong way was..."thank goodness he's in school". This was said after he showed off his report card at a family gathering, as if it were the school that whipped him into shape after nine weeks and the previous years of homeschooling, co-ops, daily devotions, library time, activities and etc. had nothing to do with that success.
5th grader with A's and B's..Carson being a bit shy, had the benefit of having "the nicest teacher at the school". The principal made sure to tell me all about her school being a STEM school (science, technology, engineering, math focused). I feigned being super-impressed whilst I really don't care. What good is it for a man to gain the WHOLE WORLD, yet forfeit his soul. I was just glad he was academically successful, and never had homework.
My 1st grader had no major issues (N's or check minuses or whatever) but her teacher was quite zealous about her "trouble spots". She had a list of sight words that she should "already know" from Kindergarten. It is no secret around here that Carson and Harmonie both struggled to learn to read. In fact, after countless phonics workbooks and flash cards and videos being shoved down Carson's throat, I just totally backed off all together...and lo and behold he learned to read fluently as he approached age 8. With this experience under my belt, I realized Harmonie had the same learning style (some might say difficulty) when she really struggled with letter identification and sounds early on. Sight words...out of the question. So, I had a meeting with her teacher, shared my thoughts and was sent home with a copy of the list of words, and some activities we could do at home. I did not tell her I got my teaching degree about the time she was graduating from middle school. Harmonie had quite a bit of homework, and my thoughts are...if you can't get it done in six hours...call it a day. We have things to do at home, like playing outside until it's dark, eating supper, taking a bath, and reading a story. The second half of her first grade year, she really gained momentum and her reading and writing improved dramatically AS SHE APPROACHED AGE 8.
So, my insights on this matter have formed a strong opinion that public schools push academics TOO hard on Kindergarteners and first graders...maybe even some second graders. When I went to college and learned about how kids learn...the professors always stressed that kids had their own developmental time-line and the spectrum could be pretty wide. I am keenly aware of this since my eldest could read just about any book you handed him at age 4 and the next 2 kids thought the letters F and S made the "eh" sound...eh eh ehf, eh, eh, ehs. Its all good, don't panic, it will kick in if there are other things being taught at home. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
There are some teachers and administrators who have a general disdain for homeschoolers, and some who really like them...with almost no middle ground there. I hope my children represented a good homeschool education by using their manners, being respectful to authority figures and showing kindness to their fellow students. Oh, and doing good schoolwork and getting good grades, blah blah blah.
Since my kiddos dropped into "the system" after being primarily homeschooled for the previous six years, I had my concerns about their academic success. After all, we did not grade every paper, take very many tests, or use a published curriculum for every single subject. After the first report card, however, my fears were quelled. 9th grader with A's, B's and one C...all you need to know here is that he thoroughly enjoys school...not necessarily school subjects...he just likes to go to school, he did not miss a single day, and I did not have to get him up for the bus one single time. Very responsible kid. He wanted to continue going to public high school (NTI) so we let him. One comment we got that rubbed me the wrong way was..."thank goodness he's in school". This was said after he showed off his report card at a family gathering, as if it were the school that whipped him into shape after nine weeks and the previous years of homeschooling, co-ops, daily devotions, library time, activities and etc. had nothing to do with that success.
5th grader with A's and B's..Carson being a bit shy, had the benefit of having "the nicest teacher at the school". The principal made sure to tell me all about her school being a STEM school (science, technology, engineering, math focused). I feigned being super-impressed whilst I really don't care. What good is it for a man to gain the WHOLE WORLD, yet forfeit his soul. I was just glad he was academically successful, and never had homework.
My 1st grader had no major issues (N's or check minuses or whatever) but her teacher was quite zealous about her "trouble spots". She had a list of sight words that she should "already know" from Kindergarten. It is no secret around here that Carson and Harmonie both struggled to learn to read. In fact, after countless phonics workbooks and flash cards and videos being shoved down Carson's throat, I just totally backed off all together...and lo and behold he learned to read fluently as he approached age 8. With this experience under my belt, I realized Harmonie had the same learning style (some might say difficulty) when she really struggled with letter identification and sounds early on. Sight words...out of the question. So, I had a meeting with her teacher, shared my thoughts and was sent home with a copy of the list of words, and some activities we could do at home. I did not tell her I got my teaching degree about the time she was graduating from middle school. Harmonie had quite a bit of homework, and my thoughts are...if you can't get it done in six hours...call it a day. We have things to do at home, like playing outside until it's dark, eating supper, taking a bath, and reading a story. The second half of her first grade year, she really gained momentum and her reading and writing improved dramatically AS SHE APPROACHED AGE 8.
So, my insights on this matter have formed a strong opinion that public schools push academics TOO hard on Kindergarteners and first graders...maybe even some second graders. When I went to college and learned about how kids learn...the professors always stressed that kids had their own developmental time-line and the spectrum could be pretty wide. I am keenly aware of this since my eldest could read just about any book you handed him at age 4 and the next 2 kids thought the letters F and S made the "eh" sound...eh eh ehf, eh, eh, ehs. Its all good, don't panic, it will kick in if there are other things being taught at home. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Cleaning Fairy, Where are you???
So, I found that book again. The one that I keep misplacing and then finding again. It is called "Organizing Your Home & Family" by Sandra Felton. I agree that this is mildly ironic and a bit amusing...if you are somebody else. If you are me...the one who is sitting at the dining room table and sees a sea of clutter between me and the front door...this is not amusing. It is actually depressing, frustrating, and enough to make a person completely overwhelmed to the point where they just decide there is no point to even dream of a clean house.
Here is the SHAME ON ME section of this entry: I have blamed the mess on the kids, the ones whom I have not properly trained to clean up after themselves. I have blamed it on not having enough time, that is even funny to me as I sit here and type this. I have blamed my lack of organization and the inability to form a cleaning routine on my own upbringing...I am college educated for crying out loud, I bet I could write a book on methods of cleaning. ( I do have that published article on WWW.MOPS.ORG search Kimberly McCool if it is still there)Surely I'm smart enough to figure out how to do it. I have also blamed my messy house on my lack of energy...there actually is much truth to that.
I have analyzed this situation of mine much too much. (thus wasting more time, and inadvertently dwelling on the negative) If it is possible to develop Attention Deficit Disorder as an adult...I have...and I owe my husband a great deal of apologies for poking fun of his disorder, always asking him if he has taken his medicine when his constant motion and inability to stay in the room while talking gets on my nerves. At least his ADD comes in handy for him at work. He works on commission, so the more work he completes, the more he gets paid. What an eye opener when he does 100+ hours worth of paint jobs in a 40 hour work week. He does not waste time. He has several cars in the process of "prep, paint, polish" all day long, all week long. At the end of the day, when he says he is tired, I believe him!
On the other hand, at the end of my day...the house is a wreck, dinner may or may not be started, the kids are usually in the midst of playing, napping, or making a mess...and I'm standing around saying "I'm tired". WTH So I think, what have I accomplished today, hmmm...at least one load of laundry, its clean and folded, but not put away, I'll do that after I reorganize the winter/summer bins which are lining the upstairs hall... preventing me from vacuuming, the toys about prevent me from vacuuming the downstairs, the stuff all over everywhere prevents me from dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. Ah, there's the culprit...STUFF, ha! As much as I would like to blame it on that, it is still me...I bought the stuff! We just recently had a yard sale to get rid of some stuff, and after that my house still looked like, as I told my MIL..."a yard sale vomited inside my house".
This was really just an opportunity to vent, and I know that things will change when I don't have children to nurse or potty train or educate, and in the meantime I have a wonderful friend who comes to help me non-judgmentally...thanks Deanna...and a host of wonderful friends who understand...you know who you are...and anyone who is disappointed, or doesn't like a messy house...Thank you in advance for NOT coming over.
PS. Even if you don't care about a messy house, if I don't know you're coming over, don't be surprised if nobody answers the door. ;-)
Here is the SHAME ON ME section of this entry: I have blamed the mess on the kids, the ones whom I have not properly trained to clean up after themselves. I have blamed it on not having enough time, that is even funny to me as I sit here and type this. I have blamed my lack of organization and the inability to form a cleaning routine on my own upbringing...I am college educated for crying out loud, I bet I could write a book on methods of cleaning. ( I do have that published article on WWW.MOPS.ORG search Kimberly McCool if it is still there)Surely I'm smart enough to figure out how to do it. I have also blamed my messy house on my lack of energy...there actually is much truth to that.
I have analyzed this situation of mine much too much. (thus wasting more time, and inadvertently dwelling on the negative) If it is possible to develop Attention Deficit Disorder as an adult...I have...and I owe my husband a great deal of apologies for poking fun of his disorder, always asking him if he has taken his medicine when his constant motion and inability to stay in the room while talking gets on my nerves. At least his ADD comes in handy for him at work. He works on commission, so the more work he completes, the more he gets paid. What an eye opener when he does 100+ hours worth of paint jobs in a 40 hour work week. He does not waste time. He has several cars in the process of "prep, paint, polish" all day long, all week long. At the end of the day, when he says he is tired, I believe him!
On the other hand, at the end of my day...the house is a wreck, dinner may or may not be started, the kids are usually in the midst of playing, napping, or making a mess...and I'm standing around saying "I'm tired". WTH So I think, what have I accomplished today, hmmm...at least one load of laundry, its clean and folded, but not put away, I'll do that after I reorganize the winter/summer bins which are lining the upstairs hall... preventing me from vacuuming, the toys about prevent me from vacuuming the downstairs, the stuff all over everywhere prevents me from dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. Ah, there's the culprit...STUFF, ha! As much as I would like to blame it on that, it is still me...I bought the stuff! We just recently had a yard sale to get rid of some stuff, and after that my house still looked like, as I told my MIL..."a yard sale vomited inside my house".
This was really just an opportunity to vent, and I know that things will change when I don't have children to nurse or potty train or educate, and in the meantime I have a wonderful friend who comes to help me non-judgmentally...thanks Deanna...and a host of wonderful friends who understand...you know who you are...and anyone who is disappointed, or doesn't like a messy house...Thank you in advance for NOT coming over.
PS. Even if you don't care about a messy house, if I don't know you're coming over, don't be surprised if nobody answers the door. ;-)
Friday, February 3, 2012
teenagers...help!
Trying to find the balance between mother and stalker has proved to be interesting...my plight began at the beginning of this school year.
With the birth of baby #5 looming, I was not the least bit prepared for the home school year and my efforts to find fitting classes or co-ops seemed to come up short, too. We practically blind-sided the school-agers with public school "just until I could get it all together." They entered school reluctantly but with the assurance that it was short-lived.
All have done well academically, and socially ;-) While the younger ones are poised on the ready for homeschooling again, my oldest wants to continue @New Tech Institute. That is about as close as you can get to a private-like, small school experience in the EVSC, but, alas, it is still a regimen of classes mixed with wasted time... and supervised by people who are paid to educate children according to government standards and influence them according to their own personal baggage and beliefs. (Wonderful teachers exist , no doubt, but they don't know and love my children like I do.) More and more I have discovered that most people think we all have the same moral compass...but we don't. I'm sure teachers have some stories that would make your hair curl, only to be topped by police officers who have stories that would make you cringe at the notion you even live in the same town with people like that.
Yikes! I know, I know...that's life. Here's the dilemma...there have to be good people in a school(or world) to counter balance the idiots (excuse my crudeness) and preserve some kind of normal . Can good kids influence others for good, or do they just get diluted by the status quot? This is what is playing out in real life right now. My son is experiencing success in school and with peers because he has had positive educational experiences and positive peer interaction up until this point. He enjoys school, he is motivated to achieve. He is also being confronted with many issues that have not crossed his path up until this point...drug use, promiscuity, kids who "hate God." And I am not exactly sure how that is impacting him emotionally, it's as if talking about those issues is embarrassing for him.
His life is still in the pliable stage, clay that can be molded...but he also makes many decisions for himself that are proper training for adulthood. I can just hear my critics saying..."you can't shelter them from everything" no, but I can shelter them from some things, and isn't that part of my job? Is this his opportunity to be salt and light to the world, or is this opening him up to potential harm? Hmmmm...I'm not sure.
With the birth of baby #5 looming, I was not the least bit prepared for the home school year and my efforts to find fitting classes or co-ops seemed to come up short, too. We practically blind-sided the school-agers with public school "just until I could get it all together." They entered school reluctantly but with the assurance that it was short-lived.
All have done well academically, and socially ;-) While the younger ones are poised on the ready for homeschooling again, my oldest wants to continue @New Tech Institute. That is about as close as you can get to a private-like, small school experience in the EVSC, but, alas, it is still a regimen of classes mixed with wasted time... and supervised by people who are paid to educate children according to government standards and influence them according to their own personal baggage and beliefs. (Wonderful teachers exist , no doubt, but they don't know and love my children like I do.) More and more I have discovered that most people think we all have the same moral compass...but we don't. I'm sure teachers have some stories that would make your hair curl, only to be topped by police officers who have stories that would make you cringe at the notion you even live in the same town with people like that.
Yikes! I know, I know...that's life. Here's the dilemma...there have to be good people in a school(or world) to counter balance the idiots (excuse my crudeness) and preserve some kind of normal . Can good kids influence others for good, or do they just get diluted by the status quot? This is what is playing out in real life right now. My son is experiencing success in school and with peers because he has had positive educational experiences and positive peer interaction up until this point. He enjoys school, he is motivated to achieve. He is also being confronted with many issues that have not crossed his path up until this point...drug use, promiscuity, kids who "hate God." And I am not exactly sure how that is impacting him emotionally, it's as if talking about those issues is embarrassing for him.
His life is still in the pliable stage, clay that can be molded...but he also makes many decisions for himself that are proper training for adulthood. I can just hear my critics saying..."you can't shelter them from everything" no, but I can shelter them from some things, and isn't that part of my job? Is this his opportunity to be salt and light to the world, or is this opening him up to potential harm? Hmmmm...I'm not sure.
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