Many things in my little world just go right over my head. As George and I pulled up to a red light a while back, I broke the (rare) silence in the vehicle by saying..."God, I never thought I would have FIVE kids." Now, I was not meaning to be blasphemous at all. I was kind of talking to God, and George, and myself all at the same time. It was like I didn't realize how it happened, or when it all happened, or mainly why I should have this life scenario.
I contemplated my situation for a long time. It's not like my plan all along was to get married and have 5 kids, Lord knows it wasn't simple like that, but that is where I am now ... having been on the convoluted path. Why did I go to college if I am a stay at home mom? I bear the title "homemaker" yet I am not a good cook, nor is the house ever spotless or even anywhere near that. Why do I like to shop and buy people stuff if I do not have an income? These things do not seem to jive.
I think God gave me a little revelation because He pitied my confusion...
I remembered a time as a little girl when I pretended my dolls came to life and went outside after I went to bed, so naturally, I had to make sure they were warmly dressed before I turned in for the night. Also,
I remember waiting for the bus on a snowy morning and another bus-riders mom let us wait inside her house so we would not freeze. I so desperately wanted to stay with her in her house which smelled like vanilla and coffee and watch Good Morning America. In other childhood memories, when we played "school" I always had to be the teacher, AND make the snacks. I wanted to be creative and make things and sell them or give them as gifts. (Painted rocks were not profitable, BTW) I also wanted to write stories and poems and letters to people...even people in prison which my mom didn't allow. In later years when I started to earn money for, of all things, babysitting...I saved my money (the earned kind and that which I got as a gift) diligently and used my own version of "the envelope system" to budget my spending. My buying habits were very conservative, but I always had nice things, and everything I needed for sure.
All this life experience couldn't have prepped me to be anything other than a care-giving, home-staying, homeschooling, cookie-baking, blog-writing, coupon-clipping MOM.